


Run away

by Hiya96



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Consent, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, M/M, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26278486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiya96/pseuds/Hiya96
Summary: Tian turned his head to stare at the ceiling and took a deep breath again. Restarting his heart whenever he did.
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	Run away

**Author's Note:**

> This story is biased of 19 days, Old Xian after chapter 313.1

They went back to sleep. Well at least he tries. He almost strangled Tian, leaving tiny scars on the side of his neck.  
He wanted to run away into the forest after Tian got off of him.  
He had the urge to run away as fast as he could.

But his rational thinking got him to lay down. He wasn't angry. He was scared. It was the first time his heart told him something he barely understood. His mind was racing with the feelings that came with Tian's actions.

He held him in place. He tried to make him touch him down there. He kissed his cheeks and was so close to his mouth. His face was burning at the moment that just happend. He couldn't shake off the thoughts that where now spiraling down a dark place.

Tian was on the edge of his side with his back turn to Mo. He backed off and gave Mo all the space. Mo could still feel him slowly shuffling, almost being restless.

Why? Why did he do that? Because he couldn't help it...  
Mo grabbed his shoulder and made him turn so that he could see him. Face to face.  
Not in his wildest dreams could he have imagined this whole situation.

"Why?.." it was so quietly said that it almost didn't seem like it was said.

Tian first looked confused. But his eyes turned soft after. He caught up with what Mo meant with that.

"Sorry, I went to far with the teasing. Don't worry I'm to tired to mess with you tonight. Go back to sleep, I won't bother you."

With one hand he ruffled through Mo's hair and proceeds to turn around. Mo stopped him.

"You can't help it... what does that even mean? Am I that easy to fool around with? Do I look that fucking weak to you?"

Mo couldn't stop. He was heating up, he was tumbling. He was scared of him, of what he was feeling.. but he was brave. He wanted to believe that Tian would never hurt him intentionally. 

"Don't you see that you're scaring me. That sometimes your fucking jokes are too much. Me and you, after all.. I can say we're friends, right? Than why do you make me dislike you?"

Tian was looking at him but Mo was avoiding his eyes the whole time. The rain was still loudly pouring outside. 

"I was just teasing you. I didn't mean to scare you."

Mo could feel a hand resting on his shoulder. The fear came back, he wanted to run.

"I didn't know you where scared of me."

Tian took his hand back.

"I understand why you would dislike me. I'm a little slow at seeing the signs. In my mind I was just teasing you like I always did. But I understand that you are just putting up with me and that I make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Mo took his blanket and curled up. He wanted to run. His heart was racing so fast that he was scared that it would overpower the sound of the rain.

"You always do this. You do some stupid shit without thinking it through, hurting me and than apologising. But what you just did... don't ever fucking do that again."

Now he felt like crying. It's like he lost something between them that he just recently opened up to.

"Mo?"

Mo could hear Tian's voice being different. There was something underneath the way he spoke that wasn't there before.

"Could you stop avoiding my eyes? Please." 

He was debating whether he would look or turn back around. It took him a few minutes to open his eyes and look at Tian.

His brows where slightly frowning. His eyes where glassy. He looked extremely concerned.

"I would never ever try to hurt you. I..I.. I'm stupid. It's my fault, I'm an idiot."

He got up and sat crossed-legged facing Mo. His black eyes locked into amber ones.

"Mo, I'm really sorry. I noticed too late, it was wrong, even as a joke... I wanted to touch you and I thought I could by goofing around. I would never hurt you intentionally."

When Mo didn't say anything back, he laughed a silly quiet laugh. Like he couldn't believe what he had done. He lost it, the one thing he had between them that was starting to feel solid.

"I lost it, didn't I... your trust..."

Tian couldn't hold his head up. He broke the eye contact to look at his lap. The guilt was festering inside of him. He was picking at the dry skin of his hands and fingernails. Mo stopped him by putting a hand on his. Tian's eyes immediately found his.

"No, no you didn't. Not anymore. Thank you... for apologising."

Mo guided Tian to lie down again and scopes a bit closer. Tonight Mo was courageous. He had to figure out what he felt and what Tian's intentions are. He can live with just being friends, but if there is more going on..it has to be clear. Because this is confusing Mo. Tian always wants to touch Mo, he always tries.  
Mo puts his hands back under his blanket. He kept his eyes on Tian. 

"I'm sorry Mo."

Mo had the urge to touch Tian's hair, he imagined it would feel super soft. And it was. Mo locked this long fingers in the others jetblack hair. It startled Tian, he almost moved back, away from Mo's touch.

"Mo, what are you doing?"

His fingers slowly started to move in his hair, he was slowly caressing him. He would have never done that but tonight he felt like he should. 

Tian sighed slowly and quietly, his eyes closed. It was to much for him, this must be a dream. 

"I'm dreaming right?" He whispers.

The long soft fingers made there way to Tian's ear and nape. He shivered from the contact, it was to much. Tian grabbed Mo's hand and removed it a few inches away from him on the mattress, but not letting go.

"Stop Momo. If this is your way of payback.. it's working."

Mo moved closer, so close that their noses almost touch.

"Mo, what are you doing?" This time his voice was cold, like he was sick of the ongoing joke that Mo was pulling. 

Mo's head was floating, his heart was doing laps and his body was moving on it own record. He needed to be sure, absolutely positive that they were just friends.

Mo started to whisper his words. 

"Tian, you always tease me making me look like a damn fool sometimes, you want to hang out with me so you're forcing me to make you dinner, you always touch me with every chance you got, you're unexpectedly kind or angry and weirdly overprotective."

He carefully retrieves his hand from the others hold. And grabs Tian's hand to guide it to his own nape. 

"Mo-" Tian's warning was cut off.

"If you want to know what I fucking feel, don't force it out of me. Make sure it's with my consent. Don't be afraid to fucking ask. If it's a no, then back off. If it's a no, don't be offended or hurt. It's a no because my feeling uncomfortable, it's not a way of hurting you but a way of not feeling good."

Mo puts his hand on Tian's chest.  
Tian was confused, this never happened before. He needs to wake up, this was a nightmare. He retrieves his hand from Mo's nape.

"Mo, stop. It's not funny anymore. I understand what you're trying to say and I apologise, what I did was stupid and I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Go back to sleep, I won't bother you."

He wants to run away, this is hurting immensely. Mo knows he is Tian's weakness. Tian went to turn to his side again but Mo won't let him. He grabbed his face and put their foreheads together.

"Tian, I'm being deadass serious with you right now. Just fucking listen... please."

Tian was about to cry, he didn't understand what was going on. He felt every part of his body going put in flames. This was dangerous, what was Mo trying to pull? He put both his hands on Mo's chest, ready to break off this awful joke with a laugh.

"Little Mo.. could you talk without touching me?"

Mo removed his hands and backed off a few inches so that he could still see him, only him. 

"You see, asking doesn't hurt nobody."

Tian's slowly opened his eyes to look at him. He was so beautiful, Tian never found anyone this intriguing and daring as Mo was right now. He never knew Mo also had this side of him.

"You're an asshole."

Mo laughed at the statement.

"You're also an asshole." Mo answered back with a blinding smile.

They kept looking at each other without breaking it off. Minutes passed by. The only sounds that was in the room was of the rain and the soft breathing of the boys on the floor that where sleeping through everything.

Mo should try to talk without cursing. He wants his message to be clear.

"You need to tell me what you feel for me. Because..."

He's getting nervous, he doesn't have to be. He just needs to say what's on his mind. 

"Because you're confusing me. I would like to believe we are friends but I'm slowly understanding that you don't act like a friend."

"Do I make you feel like you're an enemy?"

"Sometimes, yes.. you do." 

Tian nodded like he understood how Mo must be feeling. That he was not treating him well. 

"You..Ahm..how can I say this."

Mo's face turned a slight pink. Tian can just notice it with the full moonlight. Shit, he could never fall for another again.

"Try."

Mo wants to touch him.

"I will if you let me touch you again."

Tian was contemplating. He would lose his shit if Mo touched him again. He showed his rarest smile.

"No, you can't. If you do, I won't listen to a word you say."

"Then, you touch me."

This is getting crazy, Tian quietly laughs.

"No, I can't. If I do, I won't stop and I would scare you again. I'm a fool you see."

"Do you like me Tian?"

It was as if time itself stopped. All sound disappeared. Tian's face turned serious.

"Yes."

"No I mean, do you like me not as a friend but as if I where a girl. Because you treat me like you would a girlfriend. And we are both guys, do you know what that means? Have you ever thought about that?"

"Did you?"

"Yes, ofcourse I have. That's why I'm asking you. Because to me it's natural..girls, guys... it's all the same. If you like someone than you like the person and nothing else matters."

Was Tian hearing this correctly? All of a sudden, he's hearing things he would never had imagined. Mo seems totally not interested in these types of topics. Tian thought Mo was never bothered about these things. 

"Mo...ahm..are you bisexual? I mean... can you like both?" 

"Yeah..I think so.. I never really thought about gender.. I never understood what the big deal was with people separating the two. And with you I started to think..."

Tian backed off a little when Mo came a few inches closer. Mo felt his heart shrink, was he not right about this? Did he mistake Tian's actions. 

Tian had to back off. This doesn't seem real, he was playing a game. If this was a prank, he wouldn't blame Mo if he fell for it. It would be his own fault for desperately believing Mo wanting him.

"Tian...I'm asking again, do you like me? Did I mistook your friendship for something more? Cause if I did, it's okay. At least we talked about it and we know both where we stand. I just need you to tell me, so that my mind can rest."

Mo's eyes started to water unintentionally. He doesn't want to make Tian feel worst, he already made him feel bad tonight.

"Mo, you're going to far with you joke. I'm not falling for it. So you can stop, I'm to tired to play this game with you."

Mo couldn't follow. What joke?

"Tian what are talking about? I told you, I'm being serious right now."

"Why all of a sudden? Why do you want to know. You never bother yourself with unnecessary things, especially if they don't profit you."

Mo could feel a hostile attitude coming from Tian's words. The words sinked in both their minds.

"What. do you feel for me. It's the last chance I'm giving you. Whether you believe me or not."

It was mo's turn to be deadly serious. His face showed no sign of joking. That's when it hit Tian that this was not a joke. Mo was serious.

"If you're serious and you don't want me to see this as a cruel joke than I'll tell you. I'll tell you how I feel about you, open and honest."

"Tell me."

Tian took a deep breath, knowing that this was his death sentence. He thought he would never get the chance to say what he feels for the other boy.

"From the first time we met I felt drawn to you. At that time I didn't understand why someone would make me feel that way. I wanted to know you better because I couldn't shake off the feeling that came whenever I saw you. I needed you to be near me as much as possible. So I made sure of it, even if I needed to be cruel. The more I got to know you the more beautiful you appeared to me. Your innocence made me want to touch you, kiss you, hold you..."

Tian turned his head to stare at the ceiling and took a deep breath again. Restarting his heart whenever he did.

"I don't know when I fell for you. I don't know why it was you. I just know that I did at a current moment without my control. You're someone who didn't fell for the fake me. You where straight up refusing me and that made me wanted to chase you more. I was so happy when I finally felt like you where accepting me as a friend. You started to rely on me more and more. You have no idea what I felt when I saw you being scared for my life, in the woods."

Tian slightly turned his head to look at Mo, who was quietly listening to every word.

"I accepted a long time ago that you would never feel the same way. That you saw me as a foe turned friend, nothing more. So I was willing to take my feelings for you to the grave. I don't want to ruin what we have. I don't want to lose you, ever. So being friends is all that I was thinking of. And I feel satisfied with that, if I can see you, touch you and tease you. It's more than I would ever imagined."

Mo stayed quiet. 

"Did I scare you again? Don't worry, you don't have to answer back. You can go back to sleep and pretend that this night never happened, I'll do the same."

"Can I touch you?" 

Mo scared Tian a little with that question. Wasn't he listening after all?

"Didn't you just hear me? Are you listening?"

Mo slowly came closer without touching him, waiting for his consent. His eyes already spilling.

"Tian, let me touch you, please.."

"Don't."

"I knew to a current degree how you felt about me but I never knew how deep.. I thought you liked me just as a friend. I was in disbelief that you would feel more than that. So please don't run away from this, if you think that I only see you as a friend..Let me touch you."

"You're one stubborn bastard."

"Let me fucking touch you, you dumbass."

Tian felt tears slipping out of his eye corners. He slowly nodded, giving in on Mo's request. Mo hugged him tightly, afraid he would back out of this. Tian hugged him back with the same intensity. Mo thought he was the only one afraid of this but now he understands that they where both afraid of what they felt for the other. If one of them felt differently, it would have damage their friendship. Something they both didn't wanted to lose.

"So we can acknowledge that we're both idiots."

Mo smelled Tian's hair that smelled like almond shampoo. Tian was held closely to his chest. Mo finally calm after so long, struggling with his thoughts for Tian. Tian feeling the same.

"Whatever happens to us, know that I'll always feel this strongly about you."

"You're such a romantic fool." Tian said more to his chest than to him. Mo's face held a smile only reserved for him. He back a few inches away to show him.

"Only for you chickensdick."

Tian tried to also be brave now, he was still scared but seeing how Mo was glowing, it boosted his ego.

"The first time I tried it...I wasn't really thinking or caring about you. But I want to try it again only if you are okay with it. Like you said I won't feel hurt if you don't want to.

"Don't want to what?" 

"Can I kiss you?" 

Mo felt still. He stopped caressing Tian's nape. Tian immediately understood the sign. And went back to cuddle and putting his forehead on Mo's chest. He could hear Mo's heart drumming loudly. It's too soon. He felt Mo's fingers back in his hair. The fear disappeared and he calmed down. 

"Did I stupidly go to fast? I see I still have lots to learn, I'm sorry."

Tian felt Mo's hand on his cheek. It send electricity to his spine. Mo must be insane tonight. He's still wondering where he got the confidence. 

"You can.."

"My little Mo, you are awfully bold today."

"Fuck off, if you don't want to." 

Tian didn't think twice when he closed the distance between them. Leaving a small peck on soft lips that only lasted a few seconds.

"If I'm not bold, who will be?"

Mo followed shortly after Tian backed away, wanting more. He left the same peck on Tian's lips only lasting a few more seconds longer.

When he backed up to look at Tian he found the boy with his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. It was a sight he would never erase from his memories.

"Can I kiss you?"

Tian's hand went to Mo's face after he opened his eyes for Mo's question. He slowly closed the distance but stopped just when their lips where about to touch.

"Say strawberry or push me if you don't like it."

Mo closed the remaining inches, connecting their lips. Small pecks that where soft and warm. Staying innocently, discovering softness between them. The intimacy made both their heads spin. 

Mo could feel the tip of Tian's tongue, asking quietly for access. When Mo was about to give it, Tian stopped and locked his eyes with his.

"Can you..ahm..do you want to.."

Mo caresses Tian's bodem lip.

"I was about to when you moved away."

Tian reconnected their lips this time, both slightly opening them up. It felt insanely good. Their tongues slowly caressing each other. Tian started to kiss his cheek and went to his ear. It was so sensitive that Mo almost punched Tian. He settled with slightly yanking his hair. It send an alarm to Tian's head, back. the. fuck. off.

Tian immediately pulled away, trying to break any physical contact. Mo luckily was as fast and held one of his elbows. Embarrassed by his reaction.

"You idiot, you're tickling me. I'm sensitive around my ears." He traced where Tian's lips where.

"Come back, I didn't hated it. You can touch me but don't go to far, understand?"

Tian was still doubting it. 

"You're really sure about this?" 

"Come back."

Tian went back by putting his arms around Mo's waist. He went back to the lips, starting with the small pecks that grew more intensely. As they grew hungry for more they both felt the need to touch the other. Tian's hands slowly went underneath Mo's shirt. His hands felt cold against Mo's burning body that it made Mo moan against Tian's lips. Mo's hands held Tian's face so that he could control where and how strong Tian could kiss him.

"Shit" Tian barely expressed against Mo's neck. 

He was getting heated up, he has to stop. 

"Mo, you are insanely attractive right now. But we need to stop."

Mo pulled Tian's face away from his neck and looked confused at him. Didn't he like this? Was this not what he was expecting?

"It's not because I don't like this or that I want to stop but I think we should before this gets out of hand."

Tian's eyes looked down at their legs. Mo got the hint. 

"Ow, yeah sure. Sorry."

"Don't apologise, I'm only respecting the boundaries."

They settled next to each other. Facing each other, charing the blankets. Their hands never left the other's body. Slowly caressing. Falling asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it ♥️


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